The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and consequences.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, well-being, nearness, and love .

When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are original site sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" weblink For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Many gay males wish to discover from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

However, North includes, "I think this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow over time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with common sense. While great sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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